Conservatives : Creators Of Kindness!

Just  a small thought on this occasion, but vital all the same.

As our great Tory government advances ever further, praises ever echoing in our ears, the nay-saying of the revolutionaries knows no diminuendo.  They describe us as “cruel” and “nasty”. Why? Because we know that policies that impoverish disabled “people” and see more children go hungry are both necessary and fair in reducing the deficit.

Or is it the debt we said we’d reduce? It’s so terribly confusing! Small wonder even the talented Mssrs Cameron and Osborne get them mixed up from time to time . Of course, such honest mistakes are seized upon as somehow being deliberately misleading – I ask you, who is responsible for all this cynicism?

Late last year when Save The Children launched an appeal to fight poverty in the UK, Tory MPs lost no time in deriding this despicable organisation. It’s clearly political to invoke talk of poverty and having to spend money. We’re hardly in government to parley on such vulgar matters as politics. But if we are to stoop so low, it might be left to those who know the subject to do the talking.

What do Save The Children really know about children? Sounds rather self appointed to me. Better to trust those selected by Central Office to run in safe constituencies. Couldn’t Save The Children have asked Michael Gove for his well informed opinions before launching their insurrectionist tracts? Mr Gove can be very busy arranging finance deals for those  taking over schools, but he could probably find time to fob off the bleeding-hearts if there was a suitable trip to the opera provided, alongside a reasonable donation to party funds.

Begging bowl charities aren’t the only problem of course. A few weeks ago Ed Miliband, as raw a Bolshevik as one might hope not to see or hear,  raised the issue of a rise in the number of  food-banks at Prime Ministers Questions. Did Mr Cameron capitulate? No. Far from weakly concede that it is something to be ashamed of, he declared that is, in fact, a sign of The Big Society that he thought up a couple of years ago.

For in hard times like these, more money needs to be found for the noble finance sector. Gone are the days when taxes could be frittered on such daftness as people expect them to be spent on. True, Health and education may still deserve some attention: As provision becomes more privatised there are good conservative donors who stand to make worthy profits from their entrepreneurship.

Services like prisons, fire and police may also benefit from healthy privatisation following loud and prolonged public demand.
Who can forget the millions who marched and signed petitions calling for the likes of G4S to take over aspects of policing? It justified the effort we of bringing in Elected Police Commissioners as a single focal point for lobbyists. And who wasn’t genuinely moved to hear countless call-in shows saturated with citizens pleading for Virgin to take over palliative care of dying children, for scant reward beyond profits?

But make no mistake, welfare is an exception and must be cut to the bone. Apart from stitching up deals with retailers on where the lowlife can spend vouchers, there is probably less scope than in other areas for hated taxes to be converted into the rewards of enterprise.
Not for nothing have we embarked on concerted information campaigns in recent months, aimed at making people dislike claimants as much as possible. We’ve made full use of special advisers, trialling our messages on focus groups, and meeting the requests of generous lobbyists. We got rid of the civil servants who with their long years of so called “experience” would have only pointed out where our plans might go “wrong”.

Sure, evictions, malnutrition and depression will increase as they must, but there are people out there who, for some reason, still care about fellow humans. Don’t ask me what it’s about, but I suppose it’s quaint enough as long as they don’t expect to impact on the tough decisions of government. And it’s only through increasing such needs that people feel it more important to go out and help the generally undeserving.

So the case is proved: Conservatives have more or less invented being nice to people! All it took was a little outside-the-box thinking to do so, deliberately singling out those at the bottom of society for the negative attention they deserve.

It’s a logic not out of place with some of those philosophies of the mysterious orient of which I’ve heard, not that I’ll be finding more out about them any time soon – we have problems of the nearer east to attend to, as I will detail very soon – Yes, the curse of the foreign man once against threatens our blood and soil, and I shall not shy from saying so. But it’s a case of such sophistication that I will have to save it for another time.

Till then, ever beware the red menace and never stop criticising the poor!


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